Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Love, gotta have something to keep us together, Love

Today is our anniversary! Woop-yeah! Four years ago, today I married my best friend. It feels like some days it's been longer and some days not as long, but today, I'm just proud of where we are. We have come so far in our relationship that it makes me excited for the next years and what we will do together. It's weird to say that it's only been four years but I think that the number isn't as important as the time during those numbers. We've had rocky roads and smoother roads, but I can't imagine going through it all with anyone else.

Tad is a special person. If you know him personally you know what a fun-loving guy he is. He can make you feel comfortable within seconds. To him it doesn't matter what you look like, dress like, or sound like, it only matters what he can do to make you feel like you have an instant friend. He loves to laugh and has the best dimples E-V-E-R! Tad is someone you can talk to about anything. I've loved him for that. He won't make you feel like a dingle, even if you do/say something "dingley." He will always tell me, "Cara, you are way smarter than a dingle!" (Thanks Mom and Dad for sharing that story and letting us carry it on!) He is very protective of me, which is something that I have grown used to and come to cherish. That is how he tells me how special I am to him. It's his way of saying, "Cara, you are number 1 in my life."

He is one of the biggest goobers I have ever met. I love that we can be goobers together. He makes me feel beautiful, even after my "post babies" body.  I love him from his toes up to his face...and his hair! (How do you not love those curly-q's?)
Here's to four years down and plenty to go!! I love you TAD!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


This post is more of a journaling kind of post so just as a heads up, it won't have any pictures.

Yesterday morning, I woke up at 6:45, not because one of my children was crying or my husband was snoring, or the sprinkler was spraying our window, but it was something much more impactful. (Is that how it's spelled?) I woke up from one of the most realistic dreams I have ever had.

This is my dream.
All day, Tad and I had been trying to actually spend quality time together. Something was always interrupting us and that wasn't unusual. What was unusual was the sense that we only had a certain amount of time to do so. There was a man who kept coming to the door dropping off packages, like the UPS guy, but it was like every hour or every half hour he was there...ringing the doorbell, bringing in more boxes, over and over. It was as if he was the one lurking in the corners of our home, just waiting for something. I don't know if he was good or not, but he was constantly there. There was also a little boy. He was blond, had glasses, was rambunctious, but not annoyingly so. He was just a little boy. He would be running around, just playing, and then he came up to me and said, "You have one hour!" in the most joyful, childlike way. He didn't have to say anything more...I knew what he meant.

I tried to just sit and talk with Tad, just do something of quality with him, but we kept being interrupted. It wasn't annoying. Tad and I would just joke around, like any other day, I guess not wanting to turn our time left with each other into something negative. We went to the kitchen to make dinner and started it up. There was the delivery guy, just standing there in the corner, not saying anything. I knew he was there but didn't acknowledge him. I don't know if Tad knew he was there. Then I saw the little boy again, across the street. He didn't have to yell, I could hear him. He said, in that same fun-loving childish voice, "Okay, you have 30 minutes." Again, I knew.

I turned to Tad a hugged him. "Oh, dear goodness." I was crying. I didn't want to say good-bye but I knew that if I didn't then I wouldn't have another chance. I just clung to him crying. I only had 30 minutes and I had two other people I needed to say good-bye to. Oh, my sweet girls. How do you say good-bye to your children? My heart was wrenched. I ached to stay with my family, my husband, my girls. My heart breaking, I was thinking of my little Reesa when I woke up crying.

I looked at the clock: 6:45 a.m. I am alive. There is no little boy. Tad is sleeping in bed next to me. I can't stop crying so I snuggle up to Tad trying not to wake him up. It was so real. I knew I was being called back home in my dream and that I would have to leave my family behind. I just kept replaying it over and over in my mind. Tad of course woke up because by now I was really crying. He just hugged me as I cried. I eventually stopped and told him some of the dream. Then I asked him if he could give me blessing. The moment he started talking I naturally started crying all over again. In the blessing I was told to seek. Seek for answers, seek to understand the atonement, seek. I don't think I've ever been told to do something so specific over and over again.

As I went through my day, I couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to spend time with my children and with my husband. I could just be spooked out by my dream, but so what? If I am, is it a bad thing to forget the computer, the tv, books, "me-time", job searching and everything else that become distractions? We cleaned the house, went out for breakfast, bought diapers, made dinner together, I went visiting teaching. We had Family Home Evening at the park, made brownies, played toys with the girls, went down the slide, talked about things we were grateful for, said prayers together. I fed the baby her favorite baby food (carrots) and watched as she rubbed it all over her face and in her hair, watched as Afton devoured some chocolate that was going into the brownies and got brownie mix all in her hair. Tad and I danced in the kitchen, I read my morning scripture study out loud to the family, we turned on some music and all danced around. I watched Reesa laugh as she bounced on my hip, changed a few poopy diapers and helped Afton go #2. (The most dreaded thing in the world!) All of these things may not seem any more exciting than any other day, but it was perfect.

Obviously, I am still alive, but I think I am changed. How do you go back to "normal" life when you know that at any moment something can go horribly wrong and any one you love can be taken from you. I'm not sure what I am going to find in all of my seeking, but I do know that I don't ever want to be unprepared. I want my life to be filled with good. I want my girls to know that I love them more than life itself, but that I have made a promise to my Father in Heaven to do His will, whatever that may be. I cannot regulate what happens in my life, but I will do what I can to make it a good life. A life filled with service, love, diligence; I want to be a doer. Someone who is always working for good. I want to live with my family again, for eternity. If that is going to happen, I cannot be unprepared.

I'm sorry if this sounds like ramblings of a wife and mother gone insane, but I just needed to write this down. The past little while of our lives have been interesting. We know we need to move on with our lives, leave Rexburg and start. We had a friend who passed away recently and that has changed me too. He was such a good, amazing person, definitely a doer. I realized at his passing that I needed to do more. Scripture study has become more constant not only in my personal life, but in our family's life as well as prayer. I have made it a goal to pray every morning and night, and I feel so good when I do. Afton has started saying her own prayers at night after our family prayers. It all feels good. All these things have made me feel like that saying, "a rough stone rolling" being shaped as the pieces get chipped away to reveal something beautiful. Not something beautiful on the outside, because those pieces got chipped off, but beautiful on the inside. That's where the most inspiring thing was hidden. Anyway, I hope that if you are reading this, you can find that need to make your life a good one.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Georgia on my mind


My crazy friend, Meagan, and my crazy sis, Leisha

Just a few of my sweet pea

Oh my "Afty Baft"

A day at the park...check out the shades

Reesa did not like the grass...hmmm who does that remind us of?

Trying to cheer her up

Just a goober!

Aww...look at that chubbers...the baby I mean :)

Afton decided to try on Aunt B's makeup and muck-lucks

Showing us her make-up
Looking at the "Mr. Ray's"
These were so cool
Aww...mommy and Lela
She was sooo good and a cutie of course
The "Dory" fish of course
Uncle Jon getting freaked out by the sting rays
Brave little Afton touching all the fish

Aunt B practising her photography skills
What a tall penguin she would be
All the penguins
"I lub the sharts"
I love Reesa's face
The "nemo" fish
Cool jellies

Man he is ugly
This tank was huge and had like 4 sharks with all the other fish
Aunt B and Afton
These are glass jelly fish that this guy makes
Reesa taking a look at the jellies, she kept hitting her head on the tank
These jellies were so cool
Aunt Lela and Uncle Jon
Oh she's so cute, but I'm not partial
The smaller leaf looking this is a seahorse, crazy huh?
This was pretty much Afton all day
Oh Dad, your face isn't that bad

Me and my Daddy-o
Touching more fish
Crazy cool froggy
Blue poisin dart frogs
A couple of gators
One of the biggest turtles
This picture still creeps me out, he was coming straight for us
The cute turtles
A huge stingray
All the girls
Silly turtle
Long neck turtle
This one looked like branches on a tree
Getting ready for the IMAX
Aunt B and Afton in her glasses
Grammy and Afton
Awww...Poppy and Afton
Poppy and Reesa
The girls could only last so long after bedtime
The "Little Man" who is now a taller man

So here is the next part of our summer. The girls and I got to take a trip down to visit my family in Georgia. It was so much fun and definitely worth the traveling hassles. We just had so much fun playing around with each other every day. Jon and Leisha were nice enough to come over A LOT, so I could see as much of them as possible. My mom bought a little swimming pool for Afton and Reesa to play in and we went to the park a few times. I got to play some tennis, which I'm not as good at anymore, but we all had fun playing together. My best friend, Meagan came to visit from Florida for a few days. It was awesome to have her finally meet all the family and I always love spending time with her. She's always so much fun to be around and makes me laugh. We all got to go to the Tennesee Aquarium, which was awesome. They had so many different things and Afton loved it. She still talks about all the animals she saw. She's getting so big now everything she says makes sense and her little memory is great. We loved every minute and wished Daddy could have been there with us but of course he had to work. I guess we'll just have to go live with my family while Tad does his grad school so we can take Daddy with us to the aquarium. I have some cute videos to try and upload and of course the next part of our great summer!